Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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