Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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