Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
