We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
