I'm so fucking centered right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
