Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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