He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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