It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
