mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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