I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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