he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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