Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
