Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
