I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
