I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I currently don't understand fingers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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