I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
