that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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