you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
