I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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