so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize