I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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