I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
