I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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