did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
