the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
