When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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