The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
