She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
