I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
