the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
