well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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