No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
