1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
