i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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