my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
