what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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