So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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