I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
