How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
