I just saw a hot homeless man
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
