This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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