I wish my penis had an off switch
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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