Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
