How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
