hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
