im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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