after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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