I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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