he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
