i just had sex bonerless
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
