he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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