guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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