the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
