don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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