the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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