I think my fart just growled at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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