Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
