did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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