my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
