well I can't set my house on fire every night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
