if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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