It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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