Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
