He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
