haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
