don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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