Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
worst night to have a conscience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
