Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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